Republicans have been kind of ridiculous recently. We were crazy to try and defund Obamacare when clearly, it was going to work in every way possible, and contributed to the government shutdown that lasted over two weeks. The time has come to move past all the rancor and partisanship, and it’s time we showed some gratitude to President Obama. So, I’ve compiled a list of some examples of Obama’s leadership for which Republicans – nay, all Americans should be grateful:
Because the phone number to the Obamacare Hotline is 1-800-3(F) (1) 8(U) 2(C) 5(K) 9(Y) 6(O). Serously. 1-800-FUCK-YOU. Thanks, Barry.
Because of you, the Middle East, which was a tinderbox when you took office is now an inferno, consumed by the “Arab Spring” which you foolishly encouraged, leading to domination of Tunisia, Yemen, Libya, and Egypt by terrorist groups, and civil wars in Libya and Syria, leading to what many experts on the Middle East now refer to as the “Islamist Winter“, with over 150,000 dead across the Arab world.
You have once and for all, redefined the term “Red Line“.
No one else is as good as you when it comes to deploying vast armies of straw men.
Because even though no one asked for it, no one wanted it and no one still likes it three years after the fact, you pushed past our obstinate objections and imposed Obamacare.
Because even though you and your Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius insisted that Obamacare was not only the best solution to America’s healthcare problem – but the ONLY solution; your nearly $200 million website for healthcare.gov crashed for the first few weeks of enrollment and never quite recovered, and instead of enrolling 500,000 people as you planned, you enrolled… 26,794.
On a positive note, without you, we also wouldn’t have the Tea Party, or Senators Ted Cruz, Rand Paul or Mike Lee. For all these things and more… thank you, President Obama. You have indeed “fundamentally transformed America” into a more polarized, more partisan, more uncertain place. Most of all, America is thankful that as of today, November 18, 2013 only 1,158 days (at most) remain of your presidency.